What an Evening: Wrap-up of Our Chelsey Goodan Event
By Kristen and Athena
What an evening!
WOW. That was absolutely magical!!
Thank you so much to everyone who attended our first-ever community dinner featuring superstar, Oprah/Reese/Today Show featured author Chelsey Goodan!! We filled every seat and consumed dozens of pizzas and bottles of wine, and the feedback was absolutely incredible!
We wanted to share a few takeaways from the event for those who missed it!
So much of Chelsey’s wisdom can be boiled down to a few things that sound simple but are so profound in practice:
There’s no ultimate answer to “what to do.” Everything is specific to each girl, each situation, and each family. For some social media can be empowering; for some, it can be devastating. Don’t believe anyone who tells you they have “an answer.”
The first thing Chelsey said to nearly every question asked was, “Have you asked her?” So often parents skip this crucial step, out of love, out of wanting an answer, out of the search for parenting “best practices.” The way you find the answer for your daughter and your family starts with asking her. Our own teenage girl, Athena, did the Q&A with Chelsey and demonstrated just how wise teenage girls are when we listen to them, not talk at them.
Being able to be a great teen ally means healing our inner teen first. I think that goes for men and women.
When a teen is upset, ask them if they need to vent or want you to help solve the problem. Don’t jump to solving; don’t jump to toxic positivity. Sit there will the uncomfortable feeling of holding space. The words “Wow, I’m so sorry. That sounds like it sucks” go A LONG WAY.
While we are on the subject of “sorry”, in Chelsey’s experience working with hundreds of teenage girls, they almost never hear those words from their parents. See also “Wow, I really screwed that up. Can we start again?” If you are in a rut with your teen, start there.
The honesty and vulnerability at the event were staggering. At one point, one teen mom stood up and asked how to move forward with a thirteen-year-old who she felt hated her.
Athena said there was a time at the same age when she felt that way about me, and, boy, do I remember it. She explained that we’d gotten in an emotional loop of feeling each of us didn’t like the other one, that we had to break through by connecting, talking, opening up to each other, and learning to like each other as people again. The love was always there. It’s the liking that can get tricky at these ages.
I’m not sure we’ve ever talked about that time, and it healed something I didn’t know needed healing in me. It was a beautiful moment, and I’m so grateful to Chelsey for making it possible.
For Nick, our teen property manager and EIR, that moment also stood out, “The woman who felt like her kid hated her damn near had tears in my eyes! These people really cared. I talked to a guy after who doesn’t even have a daughter but was there for his son. People were vulnerable and that meant everything to me.”
Nick hit on another surprise for us: How many men came and what that says about the support teen girls have from both parents in our community. Other teen boys in attendance said after the evening they understood what their female friends, sisters and girlfriends were struggling with so much more than they ever had.
For those who missed it, we still have copies of Chelsey’s books available for a $30 suggested donation. Just email Nick@jarfarms.com
Thank you so much for all the love and support we are getting for the JAR Farms mission. We are so new in this non-profit and still trying to figure out where we show up in the world. But if you’d love to get your teens or tweens involved this summer, email us!
